It happens every once in awhile that we have to “perform” for other people, if you would. We have to be “on.” I often joke with people I know when other people are coming to visit we have not seen in awhile that we’ll have to recharge our batteries in order to be “on” for that occasion. I guess it has to do with uploading your ego or something. Becoming the egoic personality that these people are used to seeing, or at least the egoic personality that you currently use in some situations. I am thinking of storing my ego along with my self-esteem in a wall-safe I am thinking about purchasing, so that when I need it, I know where it will be. It is not like my ego is very strong, it is just a humble sense of an ego, I am not someone who is the leader of the conversation, although it is often a comment I make that will drive the whole conversation. So, I am usually in control of the conversation, although I am not the person who contributes the most. I find it fascinating how so many people are invested in putting out their nuggest of information and not really listening to the rest of the crowd. That is a problem I have addressed within myself, as I have always been more of a listener anyway.
From an early age, I was one to watch. My mother always told me, even as a child, when interacting with other children, I would first watch them, for maybe hours on end, before joining into their reindeer games. I was more observant than I was active. And I still love to watch people. I always get a good read on people just by watching and listening. I don’t even need to utter a word to get a full understanding of most people. I guess you could call this a gift, but I guess I take it for granted. I have never been much of a verbal person, up until a couple of years ago, when I had my brain tumor and I put everything in perspective, but I still do not talk as much as the people around me. I guess this means I do not activate my ego half as much.
The ego is very reactive. It always has to react to the situation at hand. If it doesn’t, then it is almost like it is letting itself down. People always expect your ego to have something to contribute to the conversation, no matter how pointless it may be. Sometimes I wonder why some people put all their energy into somewhat meaningless arguments about which brand of clothes is better or how much hairspray someone is using. To me, and this is just me, I would rather talk about the meaning of life or why society functions the way it does, or how to take down the evil corporations that dehumanize its workers and take over small businesses like a bully in the schoolyard. But that is just me. I like to talk about things that are bigger than just me, bigger than the immediate circumstances that surround me. I like to encite change in the world, not just in someone’s personal regime. I couldn’t care less if someone decides to switch their cell phone number because cell phones are likely to contribute to brain cancer in the long run, so I avoid them at all costs, already having been through that experience.
I have been trying to make sense of this society for way too long, and looking at it through the ego, it makes me feel like I am powerless to change it. Like what can I do, one person, to change the way the world works, with all the greed and corruption, and a host of everything else. But when I turn off my ego-personality, and realize I am connected with everything, then I start to think I can actually change the world, as a collective consciousness, by intending for the world to improve in the ways that I see fit. This sort of feeling allows me to dream big, because since we all are connected, I can bring forth a new change in the world, simply by bringing others on board through the power of inention and through some action as well. I find that turning of the ego and embracing the “we all are one” hypothesis, it empowers me to be able to change the world around me to fit my needs and wants, the way I want the world to be. I haven’t solved any major problems yet, but they are definitely on the horizon. Wish me luck and I wish you all luck as well. More power to the non-egoic personalities. Boy, does that sound awkward or what? It’s okay, it is the idea that counts.
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