I’ve been considering fasting for some time, I just can’t do it. Can’t make a commitment. Not eating for days on end, not something I can make a conscious effort to do. I am aware of the potential benefits, especially of a juice fast, where all I would consume are fresh juices, but then I’ll have to clean the juicer three or four times a day, not something I want to do. I realize that fasting is a detox mechanism which allows for repair and gives my digestive system a rest. If I did a water fast, I am sure I would get sick of water after a certain amount of time and move on to heavier things, like broth, then juice, then eventually something tastier–soda. I’m just curious as to how a fast is constituted and how I can get a doctor to write me a note for three to five days off work so I can try this whole fasting thing and see how I like it. I think this whole fasting dream I have is all a scheme for me to get off work a few more days each week.

“I can’t come into work today. I have toxins in my body and if I let them stay there too long, I could die. I need to detox for at least five days, maybe six.” I would have to do it in the raspy voice I usually use to call in sick, a voice that sounds like I just got out of bed and haven’t said a word all day. I bet I could pull that off, if I had some sort of research on it. I would most likely try and break the fast at breakfast. That way I coud be doing one of those double entondre (?) things where I can say I’m breaking my fast at breakfast. I may have to hire a maid to make me juices and to go shopping for me and maybe I can pull it off. I can feel all the accumulated gunk from years and years of pizzas and doughnuts, not to mention that Mountain Dew addiction I had for the first nineteen years of my life. My arteries are probably lined with High Fructose Corn Syrup, which makes for a nice lubricant I hear.

As I’ve always said, it is easier to not do something than it is to do it unless it is an addiction, like a sugar addiction or a food addiction. No matter how lethargic I am, no matter how late it is, I can always muster the energy to go over to the cupboard and get myself a high-sugar, low-fiber poison snack and shove it in my mouth for an emotional lift and sugar high. I think maybe the Fit for Life diet gave me this sugar addiction with their whole, “nothing but fruit in the morning” approach. What did they think was going to happen? They say, “Have as much fruit as you want, but do not overeat.” What? Does that make sense? No. It’s a living paradox. Here I am, eating pints of blueberries, followed by six bananas, and then sixteen Medjool dates, and I’m still hungry, but not hungry in the stomach sense, hungry in my mouth, the salivary glands are going wild, and I know what my problem is, a sugar addiction.

I still eat fruit, but I need some time away from food. I need to find a practical time to do this fast, I may even request some days off from work to accomplish it. My family will inevitably think I’m crazy, but I think that is for the best anyway. If everyone thinks you’re crazy, you’re either right, or crazy. Sometimes the only reason I eat is because I think I have to. I’m not hungry, I just feel if I don’t, people will start saying, “You didn’t eat lunch? Why?” Because I didn’t feel like it. But that’s not a good enough answer. Going against conventional wisdom takes more courage than you think.

If I really want to scare the people I know, I should start quoting the Bible while I fast, every day and every night. Start saying how fasting is the only way to salvation and that if I do not do this, I will never get closer to the Lord. And He is the one wa all long to get close to. And it’s all here in this pamphlet. I should start going door to door, like a Jehvovah’s Witness. You know, maybe their theme song should be, “Knock, knock, knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” Going off topic has become more and more familiar to me in the past six to eight months. But I accept it because I accept myself unconditionally. And I never edit because if I think something, I think it for a reason and there is no reason to cut out part of the process, like I see on those reality shows. They’ll cut to someone screaming at another person and don’t show how that all started. It gives me no basis for judgment.

Anyway, fasting is something I think I should try and I will post results when I start to fast. I’ll have some time to post because I will not be eating. When everyone is around the dinner table, eating their roast duck, I will be slaving away at my master, my computer, documenting how it feels not to do something everyone regards as necessary. I don’t want to make a big thing out of it, though. It’s not like I’m going on a hunger strike to fight world hunger or poverty. I’m doing it because I can. I can make a choice to not do something. It is strikingly similar to my voting fast. I’ve never registered to vote in 21 1/2 years because where I currently live, my vote would be drowned out by a bunch of conservative Republican voters. And voting for yourself makes you look narcissistic anyway. Probably wouldn’t be the best idea. That is all I have for today. Come back soon for more insanity.

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Blog Expansion

What I hope to accomplish in the coming months and years is to improve this blog every day, every week, every post. I feel that a blog is a great medium to convey ideas and gives me an outlet for writing and creativity. I can always make what I am doing better and to grow this blog into something amazing, something beyond just the text, would be amazing for me and the world. The penalty of not utilizing my potential does not just hurt me, it hurts the entire world. If I do not do my best to ensure the world is becoming a better place, then it will have consequences.

The whole point I am making here is that there is always the quote, “If we all did our best, then…” and I want to make that a reality. I want to lead by example and encourage others to do the same, their best in whatever field they are in. If we all band together to do the best we possibly can do, anything is possible, barring the removal of gravity. When and if I am ever on my deathbed, the question I will ultimately ask myself is, “Did I do my best?” And if I cannot answer yes to that question, if I cannot feel satisfied about what I contributed, then I did not live the life I wanted to, and the regrets will start to settle in. The longer I live, the more chance I have to make a valid contribution to this world. I want to raise awareness about certain things and promote healthy living, healthy emotions, and help the world become the wonderful place it can be.

I am going to focus solely on providing genuine value to the readers, in various forms, so that everyone feels they can benefit from this website. I plan to really vamp up the blog in the next few months, with much more high-level content, things that keep me awake at night, and I want to rehash a conversation I had with a friend of mine to show how important life is, or whether anything really matters at all, in the grand scheme of things. The only reason why anything happens is because it is a possibility. If it wasn’t a possibility, it wouldn’t be happening. This is how I feel right now. So the fact that I am writing this post right now means that it is a possibility in the grand scheme of life, the infinite time frame of the universe. And I am making the most of this possibility. Don’t let your possibility slip away.

We have the ability in this life to make a choice. A fundamental choice about our lives. We can choose to be a part of the problem or part of the solution. And there is no real right or wrong answer, if the choice is made consciously. But if the choice is a socially conditioned, unconscious choice, which really isn’t a choice at all, then it has no bearing. You have to take the initiative to either encite change or defend the status quo. It is up to you. I am taking the time to work this blog up and make everything better to hopefully inspire people to better themselves and the world. I hope you make a similar decision, and if you don’t make sure it is a conscious decision.

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Away from Normality (A conversation with myself)

I am someone who always thinks outside the box. It is my nature. Besides, the box is too crowded anyway. I find the more I talk to yourself, the less people will talk to me. I guess it’s probably because they do not want to interrupt the conversation I’m having with myself. At least I can laugh about it later. Some people can’t. At least I never got in a heated debate with myself. I sometimes speak too soon. Sometimes when I am in public and I feel like talking to myself but do not want to be looked upon as clinically insane, I pull out my cell phone and use that to have a fictitious conversation with my subconscious. I pace back and forth and give good arguments. At least when I talk to myself, I at least get somewhere with it.

Doing this is a contant theme in my life. It always was. And it probably always will be. I even used to carry around a little tape recorder so I could record everything I was saying. Maybe I’m secretly lonely. Who knows? All I can really say about this is it is a part of who I am, and I would not trade it for anything.

Another thing that is very different from other peope is I tend to “zone out” quite a bit. It is a very strange feeling where my thoughts take me for a wild ride, and it takes me quite a long time to get back. When I do come back, or “zone in,” I need to check the clock to see how long I was gone. It is almost like I’m not even around when this happens. I just fade out of existence. It is a different kind of meditation. One that happens spur of the moment and goes on until I realize I need to come back to reality.

A sad state my mind was in when my mini tape recorder broke and now I will have to buy a DVR, or Digital Voice Recorder. I feel kind of awkward speaking into it, unless I pretend it is a cell phone. Especially if there are a lot of people around. I say something like, “Why does only one company make the Monopoly game?” or “A man with OCD broke into my house and cleaned the entire thing. I didn’t call the cops. I hired him as my cleaning man.” I guess I shouldn’t care what those people think, really. If we all really are one, then they know what I am doing and understand me unconditionally. I just wish more people weren’t so afraid to show their weirdness. I can’t wait until casual Friday at my work. I have the clown costume and makeup all ready. Boy, will they be surprised.

I just find a safe life boring. A life where you do what everyone else is doing and just go with the flow of society. I can’t see myself ever doing some of the things people do for fun, or do because other people do it. It has to resonate with me and no one else. The only exception I am making is doing my taxes on time. I do not want to be victim to the IRS and their unlawful tactics. I really enjoy seeing things the way I see them, not the way I am conditioned to see them. For example, when people say that Angelina Jolie is attractive, I mean, she’s okay, but I don’t really find her that attractive. And no, I’m not gay. It is just how I see things.

Recently, I thought of a real good idea that may or may not get me arrested, but I won’t actually do it. When I was undergoing brain cancer treatment, radiation, I got this radiation mask, and it is custom fitted to my face, and is made of plastic with a bunch of little holes in it. My plan is to wear it to the bank and attempt to make a withdrawal. It would be really funny, but nah, I may wait. I am also one of the only people who like talking to telemarketers. I like to string them along, have them go all the way up to their sales pitch and then say, “No.” It brings me a sort of smug satisfaction. It is really funny.

If I wasn’t who I am today, I would feel like I was someone else. I do whatever it is I feel is right for me to do and I always follow my instincts. If I feel like something is wrong, like buying fast food, I do not partake in that endeavor. If I do not think Christianity is a good religion for me, I do not follow it. The whole theme of this post is to trust in yourself and who you are and do not be afraid to express yourself in public. I used to feel that way, that I always had to censor myself so people did not label me as crrazy or delusional. Now I just laugh at those silly labels, and I encourage you to do the same. Just don’t threaten anyone’s life. That could lead to jail time. Now to find that Google Adsense code…

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Television Trial Continues

Like I mentioned before in my previous posts, I am attempting to refrain from any TV watching, except for maybe one to two half-hour shows a week, but now that I realize how pointless the whole activity is, even during shows I do enjoy, I can finally put to rest the fact I do not need to watch this box anymore. Even the shows I like, the shows I love, are not half as good as I thought they were. Even if I do laugh a couple of times, it is not half as funny as some of the ideas I can come up with myself. I am not saying this to brag, but just to show how bored I’ve become with the whole television paradigm. At this point, I would rather read a script from a television show than actually watch it. That may seem odd, but before all this, I did read movie scripts on a semi-regular basis, and got the same, if not better understanding of characters and how they related to one another.

TV news is another thing that just cracks me up. They get hooked on these seemingly meaningless stories for days, weeks, months, and even years. I will never forget the Natalie Holloway case. It is sad she disappeared, but so do millions of other children and adults each year. I could not help but think the only reason they focused almost exclusively on her was that she was attractive and her parents had money. Then, recently, the Anna Nicole Smith thing where I guess she died or something and there was a baby and they didn’t know who the father was. I could not help but think that if I was subjected to another dose of this sort of “news,” that I would have to smash the television set myself. It’s pretty obvious that people die, sometimes unexpectedly, and if they have contributed something meaningful to society, and when I say meaningful, I am not talking about the creator of Desperate Housewives or the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I am talking about people who revolutionize the world. Someone like Albert Einstein or Martin Luther King, Jr.

I wish the television was used for good, but it is used for bad much more often. It has a wonderful potential to inform, but most of the programming insults my intelligence and the intelligences of most people watching it. Putting us in a state of fear constantly, painting the world as a dangerous place with mostly drug dealers, thieves, murderers, and rapists. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been robbed, bought drugs, seen a murder, or been raped, so why do 90% of news stories revolve around things like that? Reportedly, murder is the least common crime and it is reported on the most. It is this sort of sensationalism that drives our country down. Even the newspapers have that “catchy headline,” like School Shooting in Arkansas. I don’t know why we are all obsessed with the bad, the evil. Maybe it makes us feel better about ourselves, about our situation. All I know is those stories would not be on the front page or dominate the news if it did not build an audience.

I believe we need to be informed about what is going on in the world, but learning about celebrities dying or a school shooting is something that usually does not affect us personally. If we keep concentrating on all these negative stories, all these terrible deeds that the media cannot help but report on, then we will create these things in our lives. What we have to do is focus on the good, and set the intention to bring more good into the world. Does it make sense to spend our lives listening to stories about people we do not know committing acts we do not need to know about? And if there is some colossal news story, something I really need to know, I am sure someone will tell me about it. If they do not, well, I’ll know soon enough.

One thing I am noticing is I now have a lot more time to concnetrate on my hobbies and this blog, to some extent. Reading is another hobby I am enjoying much more. There is so much more you can do with your life than be familiar with pop culture references and recite the opening theme song to Family Guy. So, please, turn of your television and plug into life. I need to go mow my lawn now. Good day.

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Comments About Writing

Writing is something I do because it allows me to express my thoughts in such a way that other people can relate to them. Every now and then I have an insight into my life and think to myself if anyone else could benefit from what I now know. I choose to write about whatever is on my mind and go from there. I never know where I will end up, maybe even somewhere I cannot come back from. But it is okay because I can always hit the delete key. Free form writing and creative endeavors really get my mind in the flow state.

My personal goal in this next month or so is to improve my writing skills beyone anything I have ever seen. I must find a way to come across even more coherently in a way that does not overcomplicate things. I am not one to use big words to sound ultra-smart because I feel small words can fulfill the same duty, sometimes even moreso. I may not follow all the rules of proper grammar, but at least I know what I am talking about…most of the time.

I like to just sit down and write for awhile. I never know what is going to come out of me, and that is exciting in a way. If you realize that every post you write is a creation, like giving birth to a new baby, then you will become fascinated by the disparity and diversity of your schools of thought. As I look back on previous posts, I realize those posts were written with a completely different state of mind. I can no longer resonate with some of the previous ideas I wrote about and now have to move on to the ideas I have now, and even they will pass.

I guess what I am getting at here is impermanance. Nothing is permanent, so it is best not to be attached to anything in particular. Time flies while you are creating and the flow state is almost inevitable. Working from this standpoint, how can I possibly stop? Consciously thinking of new ways to think about ordinary things is a challenge I choose to undertake. I am working in a field known as metacognition: thinking about thinking.

Maybe I should think about my thinking about thinking, and then go another level deep, and so on until I go completely insane. You know, I always wondered what it would be like to try on a strait jacket anyway. I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

If you look at the world in a completely objective sense, you will start to wonder what you can do about it, and it will seem overwhelming, but if you then look at it in an subjective light, where you are equally everything, and you are consciousness, you start to have power, you can start to make a change. This is something that is becoming increasingly familiar in my life. I now know that the power resides within, as long as I believe it is there. And the fact I acknowledge this power and take action to improve this power makes me motivated to keep going. I believe this post is of sufficient length, and now I rest my fingers. The last ailment I need is carpel-tunnels.

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