I drink regular coffee straight black with nothing in it, but whenever my brother comes home from college on a break, he always adds flavored coffee to it, like vanilla and hazelnut, stuff I don’t really care for anymore after I switched to straight black. And forget cream and sugar. Why can’t people just enjoy things the way they’re supposed to be? Sure, some black coffee is bitter, but the light roasts are really coming through for me this time and it has a sweet taste without even adding anything. And enough about that gourmet coffee crap. I don’t need espressos, lattes, or machiattos. Minimalist coffee. Just the stuff that comes from the beans and the water.
I don’t need people dressing up my coffee to make it more attractive. I like it the way it is. And I’m tired of getting looks at the coffee places when I say black coffee. “Are you sure you don’t want any shots of syrup?” Yes, I’m sure, now leave me alone. I like my coffee dark, like my chocolate, and sometimes my women.
P.S. This is nothing more than a humorous piece because no one in the world of Google had “don’t whore up my coffee” in quotes. Besides, pimping my ride and whoring up my coffee are two no-nos in my life. I don’t need to dress my coffee up like some tramp. She’s fine just the way she is.
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