It’s really getting tough to think of new material. What else can I possibly say on this blog that I haven’t already said? My fingers won’t move on the keyboard. This is painful. Why don’t I talk about living in the deep South? Because it’s boring. Or what about a current event? That’s even more boring. Everything that is happening now will happen again, hence the term history repeats itself. I could wish everyone a Happy New Year, but it seems too cliche. All I thought about while watching it on television was how a bunch of morons froze their bodies off for over 12 hours to watch a mechanical ball drop. The view is much better from your living room. I’ve always wondered if the Chinese tape the ball dropping and replay it whenever they celebrate their New Year. I guess I’ve picked my topic.
It’s a new year, but what does that really mean? Sure, the Earth has moved around the sun another time and we’re all one year older, but has anything really changed? It may seem cynical, but celebrating the passing of another year is pretty much pointless, like exercising on a stationary bike in hopes of getting to the store. Boy, that was a bad analogy. It was worse than watching the movie Seven Pounds. Boy, Will Smith has really taken a turn for the worst, hasn’t he? He really showed his acting range with his barrage of awkward facial expressions. Why do they make movies they know are going to fail? I bet when they finished shooting that movie, they said, “Well, it’s a good thing we got Will Smith on board, otherwise this movie would’ve tanked.” I feel like he’s gone downhill ever since Men In Black and Ali.
Oh, and the holidays passed by, too. Christ-mass and Haunakah, and Kwaanzaa, not to mention whatever other holidays are out there. I wonder if this practice will ever get old. Celebrating birthdays of people who are dead by giving gifts to each other. Seriously, Jesus would be pissed. He didn’t get nailed to a couple pieces of wood for us to do this. He probably saw the cross as a waste of natural resources, just as he sees people getting a real tree in their living room a waste. And don’t get me started on people who decorate their lawn with lights and reindeer. Just trying to keep up that whole Santa Claus illusion for all the kids. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. That guy is a pedophile. A man who makes his living watching children around the clock. That’s pretty sick if you ask me. He’s like an exaggerated version of Michael Jackson.
I have a major headache today, so forgive my cynicism. Too much caffeine yesterday or something. I was thinking to myself yesterday about what year it really is. And I settled on, for the Earth, 4.5 billion plus 2009. It’s probably more or less, but who’s counting? I don’t put Jesus at the beginning of my calendar. Didn’t he believe the Earth was flat and that it was the center of the universe anyway? Boy, was he off. We’re not even the center of our solar system, never mind the center of the whole universe. That just shows how self important we thought we were. I’m surprised astronomers don’t kill themselves when they find out how small we are relative to the universe. They went from being the center to practically nothing. Sure, they could go around and try to live a good life, but what would it matter compared to the size of the universe? It would be relative to a car accident on Earth, probably much, much less so. So why do we get so excited about the New Year? Because most people are ignorant and think it’s a big deal. No offense to any of my well-educated, informed readers.
Anyway, I thought I’d brighten your day with some of my oh so enlightening thoughts. Keep watching out for more of these because I feel the more I write, the more people will read. And if that happens, maybe I’ll develop a cult following. Because isn’t everyone’s dream to start a cult? I know mine is.
Edit: Oh, and by the way, when you die, you just rot in the ground. Just thought I’d add that. Just kidding. I have no idea what happens.
