The reason I haven’t been posting on this blog lately is because I haven’t been getting any sleep lately. Last night, I dozed off around 12:30 and woke up 20 minutes or so later. Then I didn’t fall asleep until well after 3 AM. Then I wake up at 9 AM. It wasn’t a deep sleep. I tried going back to sleep, but I just couldn’t. Even if I take a sleep aid, my sleep is still very short and light. I did have some coffee last night and that explains last night, but why would I wake up so early after falling asleep? Six hours has never been enough sleep for me. I just don’t understand it. I’ve been waking up really early lately after going to bed after 1 AM and having trouble going back to sleep. The only thing I’ve been doing differently is drinking the smoothies every day. This newfound feeling is very strange and is killing my sleep. It could be the heat that’s killing my sleep.
I’ve been waking up in sweats a lot and unable to get comfortable in my bed due to the heat. I’m going to try some new things and see how they work out.
It’s so weird to want to go to sleep and not be able to. It’s like your body is rejecting your mind. I haven’t been having any dreams, which is why I know that my sleep is not very deep. Usually when I am sleeping well, I have dreams that I remember. I’ve been having what I can only describe as hot flashes lately as well. Perhaps it is due to the detox my body is going through because of the smoothies. Been having headaches almost all day every day. Didn’t have any last night, though. But then I had insomnia.
Haven’t had much feeling lately. Most of the day. Kind of an empty feeling. It’s weird. Nothing really excites me anymore. I never feel fully awake, nor do I feel fully asleep. It’s just this constant fog that never gets lifted. I don’t really identify with my body anymore. It is merely a shell. A shell that contains the real me, the timeless me. My body is simply a manifestation of consciousness and my consciousness is the only infinite.
The world is nothing more than mere illusion. I feel this way now, but I’ve felt differently in the past. It is something put here to help us build our consciousness. At least that’s what I’m led to believe. But who really knows? Why are we here and what is the meaning of this existence? It certainly isn’t to build malls and parking garages. Sometimes I feel like the world and the Earth has no purpose and is just here by random chance and then I think it is merely an illusion. It is a product of our consciousness. But why? What does it all mean in the end?
This is just so strange. This whole reality we live in. Making sense of it is an exercise in futility and I’d just be wasting my time. How can I figure something out that no one has ever truly known before? There are so many answers to the “meaning of life” question that it all just gets muddled into one big pile of uncertainty. This is why I can’t identify with any of the wide range of answers. I could say the meaning of life is what you make it, but that’s truly a cop-out answer. The whole meaning is in your mind and your mind alone. There are just so many choices to make in this world and the more there are, the more paralyzed the people become.
The universe is laughing at us all right now because the human race has destroyed their home planet and for what? Progress? But what has that brought us? More people are depressed than ever before. We can travel the globe in less than 24 hours and yet more people go hungry every day percentage wise than 20,000 years ago. Our population continues to spin out of control as we grow more and more food, only making the whole human problem worse. It’s nobody’s fault. But in another way, it’s all of our faults.
My mind is a mess right now and I’m just typing to get my mind moving. I hope this entry wasn’t too disjointed and disorganized. I’m just feeling really weird lately, so I suppose my entries will be weird. Have a nice day.
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