It’s Been Awhile…

When I first started this blog/website way back in 2006, my intentions for it were for it to be some sort of online business.  Seven years later and I have not earned a red cent from this blog.  As a matter of fact, I haven’t really tried that hard, but that’s mostly due to my various medical conditions stemming initially from a brain tumor I had about 10 years ago.  I get bad eye strain from typing for too long, and writing 1000+ word blog entries just didn’t seem appealing at times, and I didn’t really have anything valuable to share, at least nothing original.  But then again, there are hardly any original ideas out there anymore.  Everyone is a collection of everyone else’s ideas and thoughts.  I’ve heard from someone that most people go through their entire lives without having an original thought.  Isn’t that pathetic?

For the past six months or so, on and off, I’ve been going through Steve Pavlina‘s archives.  I started way back in 2004, and now I’m somewhere in the late 2008 phase of his blog.  That man is a true legend in the blogosphere and in the personal development field.  For me, he’s the person who started me on the right path after I was expelled from college for doing things that I would describe as bullying and passive-aggressive behaviors.

Now I’ve got a job that pays decent enough, I’ve saved over $26,000 in the past 4 years, and I can genuinely say that I’m happy where I am in most aspects of my life.  Sure, I may work the graveyard shift, and I may not always feel my best, but I definitely feel my life is far more under control than it has ever been before.  I enjoy the one person I work with each night, and there have been many that I have worked with.  I’ve accepted my disabilities and my limitations, and people who know what I have been through consider me a miracle, an inspiration to others not to give up.

For those of you who do not know, I had a pineal gland malignant germinoma, which resulted in me going through a very traumatic brain surgery, where the surgeon actually separated the two halves of my brain in order to pull out a piece of my tumor to see what kind it was.  It was a 9-hour affair.  I’m just glad I was out for all of it.  They took the back of my skull off my head and went all the way into the center of my brain to pull out what I believe was a few pieces of my tumor.  I certainly wouldn’t recommend it if you don’t have to go through it.

After that ordeal, I had 30 days of radiation treatment, 15 days which were whole brain radiation, and the second 15 that were targeted radiation treatment to specifically melt the rest of my tumor.  I was 16 years old when I had the surgery, and 17 when I had my radiation.  It was one of the hardest challenges of my life, and it has affected me in oh so many ways, both positive and negative.  Sure, I might not have a college degree or a high-paying job, but I can say for anyone who is going through a similar experience that I never, ever gave up.

I am in no way perfect, but that’s not the point, now is it?  I’ve simply done the best I can with the cards I was dealt.  At least I have a supportive family who will stand behind me.  And I’ve got tons of interests in various things, including the nature of reality, reading (audiobooks mostly), writing from time to time, music, comedy, David Icke’s material, healthful eating, meditation (to the degree I can focus my mind), raising my level of consciousness, personal development, and others I can’t really think of right now.

Mama always said that God only gives people the things they can handle.  I guess God thought I could handle brain cancer.  I’ve only met one other person who has ever had a tumor in a similar part of the brain, and he had a far worse cancer than I did.  My type of cancer and its location were one in a million.  And I was born with it, and it slowly grew up until I was about 16, and that’s when it started pinching off a ventricle in my brain, causing headaches you can’t even imagine.  It’s been a long journey getting back to where I feel like I found a job I can do and have been doing for close to 4 years now.  As for making money from this blog, it’s not a pressing issue, although the extra income would be nice.  I’ll have to give that some consideration in the near future.

Peace out, world.

Steve Pavlina’s Passive Income Series

Steve Pavlina has been writing an entire series on passive income lately, and although he hasn’t exactly got to the how-to aspects yet, his posts are pretty enlightening on this subject.  First, he is trying to weed out the pretenders, the people who are considered self-help junkies, those who consume vigorous amounts of material, but never do anything meaningful with it.  I am truly enjoying the posts he’s written so far, and it has helped me really see the mindset of someone who earns passive income, rather than active income.  The series starts here.  So far, there’s been around 8 or so posts on the ideas of passive income, and these will help you build a foundation to figure out if you are the kind of person who wants to earn passive income.  I’ll definitely be following along myself, and even attempting some of the passive income streams on this website if I can figure out how to implement them.

This blog has had its successes when it comes to traffic, but it has also had its lulls in traffic.  It is partially my fault for not shamelessly marketing myself constantly.  I’m sure if I got my blog in the hands of more people, it would pick up steam.  I could make a million excuses for why I haven’t marketed myself as much as I could, but the truth of  is that having a blog is easy, but running a business is hard work, and it requires a ton of work that I don’t even know about.  There’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work that goes on that is barely noticeable to anyone who doesn’t run a business.  That, and the fact that I’m not the most apt when it comes to HTML and other programming languages.  I’ve thought about joining SBI!, but I’ve gone through their tutorials, and I don’t think I’ll be able to create a website based on some niche topic that I would easily get bored with quickly.  The best ideas I have for a website involve the concepts of comedy, subjective reality, and personal development.  I could create a website that encompasses all three of those things, but I don’t want to be limited by those things.

My writing is very stream of consciousness, and it has to do with whatever is on my mind at that particular time.  Sometimes I’ll just start writing with a blank slate and see what comes to mind.  One example of this is the post Prison Reform.  I had no idea I was going to write about how horrible prisons are and how that system isn’t working until I took a look at what my biggest fears are.  And that’s when I realized that my biggest fear is going to prison.  Above all else.  And it’s fucked up that prisons are filled with violence and rape, among other things, where you are stripped of all your individual rights and pretty much a slave.  And  most of those people are not beyond redemption.  Most of those people can change for the better, if they change their environment and the people who surround them.  Most people in prison were born into that way of life, living in places where there are no jobs, no way to escape the turmoil of a life below the poverty line.  But those in power try to keep those people down, in order to maintain power over.  What those in power fear the most is a truly equal society.

Like I said, I have so many ideas floating around in my head, and so many statements to make about the culture we live in that all I really need to do is find a way to put it all under one umbrella and then I could start a website that actually makes sense from a passive income standpoint.  If I could earn a couple thousand dollars a month from this website, or another, then I could really start to save some real money and get myself financially abundant.  I just need help in achieving that goal.  I need to learn from others’ mistakes and my own mistakes as well.  It’s all about creating a brand that is uniquely me.  I’ve seen it done on numerous websites and blogs.  The woman who used to write on Violent Acres turned her abusive childhood and unique sense of humor into a very popular and profitable site.  Steve Pavlina created a website based on his hobby of personal growth.  Leo Babauta created a wonderful site called Zen Habits simply by writing about his passion of simplicity and fulfillment.  He’s made enough money so that he doesn’t have to work anymore, except on his blog and whatever ebooks he wishes to create.  There are a wide variety of ways to create an income-generating website, and I just have to figure out the formula and learn all the hidden tricks for high web traffic and I’ll be golden.

I love to write about a variety of topics, and my small audience seems to appreciate it as well.  I write for myself as much as I write for anyone else, as it allows me to create something that otherwise would not exist.  I’m at least throwing myself out there to an extent.  But I know deep down that if I am to earn any kind of living from this kind of work, I need to figure out a way to build traffic and monetize this website to the point where I’m making enough to cover all my expenses and then some.  Sure, it will be a lot of work up front, but once I have the traffic rolling in, I’ll be pretty much on autopilot.

Anyway, check out Steve Pavlina’s Passive Income Series and see if you also would like to create some passive income in one way or another.  It certainly beats active income, where you only get paid while you are working.  It could be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself, and the downside is pretty limited.  The upside is almost unlimited, so where is the risk really?  If it doesn’t work out, it’s not like you’ve risked anything but a little of your time.  Until next time…

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Speaking My Truth

I have to admit I haven’t created anything lately on this blog or in my life.  I’ve been running the same script for too long, working nights and not really feeling motivated or having the energy to create much of anything.  I’ve been spending a lot of time simply drifting from one interest to another, reading things that are way “out there,” such as things from David Icke, as well as listening to my favorite music and comedians.  I’ve come to a realization as of late that if I’m ever going to experience abundance, it is going to involve creation of some sort.  I’m going to have to create my own universe, in which my ideas and my realizations flow with the tides.  I want to speak my truth to the whole world and see what the reaction is.  I want to do something similar to what Bill Hicks did in his “It’s Just a Ride” speech.  That had to be one of the best pieces of pure, undiluted consciousness I have ever heard in my life.  He was so on the level (whatever that means) that it stuns me to think of what he would have accomplished had he not died.  But he lived long enough to deliver his message to the world.  The same goes for musicians like Bradley Nowell and Bob Marley.

I feel that if I can get out there and speak my truth, fill the collective unconscious with my ideas about the world, I will have made a difference.  But what is my truth?  My truth is that we could live in a paradise if we simply got rid of fear and control.  If we made the choice to love instead of fear, then the world would be such a better place.  Imagine what we could accomplish if we had no fear.  If everyone on this planet transcended fear, especially fear of what others think of them, we could create masterpieces, do things that humanity is meant to do, other than these soul-crushing jobs we all have to go to to make ends meet.  We could grow all our own food, and spend the rest of our time learning more and more about our reality and ourselves.  As Bill Hicks put it, “We could explore space, both inner and outer, forever in peace.”

We just need to wake up and realize that life is nothing but a dream, and that we are the imagination of ourselves.  If we realized that life was a dream, all of us that is, we could finally let go of fear and finally bask in the glow of love and joy.  If we would open our minds to any possibility, to understand that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there would be a massive shift in the world and the universe at large.  People are saying that we’re finally starting to wake up, and I agree.  We haven’t quite reached a critical mass yet, but as the control structure gets tighter, more and more of us are resisting it, and are coming to an understanding that soon there will be a consciousness revolution.  Whether it is 2012 or sometime after that is irrelevant because time is just an illusion, and reality is simply a hologram, a movie.  And we can change it any time we want for the better.

This may go over some people’s heads, and it’s just that those people are not ready yet.  They will be one day, so there is no need to worry.  As long as they don’t keep killing all the people who try and help us remember where we came from and who we really are, then we will have our true nature revealed and live the rest of our lives in expansive joy and love.  We will have the fundamental understanding that we are all one and to hurt another is to hurt oneself.  So, it seems rather stupid from that perspective to be in all these wars and killings.  To kill or hurt someone is to do the same to yourself, which is what I think Jesus was saying when he said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  It is because we are the same, as well all represent consciousness.  To treat others as you would want to be treated would be a given, because it would be like treating yourself the way you want to be treated, which comes pretty natural I’d say.

I’m just trying to open doors, not shut them.  I’m trying to explain how everything we experience is simply just a dream, or a hologram, and that in reality every living and non-living entity is all part of the same living, breathing consciousness.  We truly are all in this together.  There is no escape from this realization.  It is our fundamental basis.  The ride only seems real because that’s how powerful our minds are.  Some of us remember that there’s no need to worry, ever, because it’s just a ride…and we kill those people.  But it doesn’t matter, because it’s just a ride.  That is my great truth, the one I wish to express.  The most empowering philosophy yet.  If you keep hearing the same things over and over, the universe is guiding you to them, and I’ve come across so much that has validated that this is indeed a “dream,” or an illusion, and on an  intuitive level it makes perfect sense to me, and it is the Great Forgetting that keeps us bound to being in this world and being of it, instead of being in this world, but not of it.

I hope this has been informative, or enlightening, or simply interesting for you.  There is hope in this world, and a big change is coming.  I’ll be waiting there for you on the  other side of it.

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A Tribute to Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks, one of the lesser known “famous” comedians, has been an inspiration to me and just a truly brilliant man.  He’s dead now, like all the great ones, although he didn’t die from a drug overdose or from suicide.  Sure, he did drugs, and he had a great time doing them, but he was more than clean and sober when he died.  He was called The Dark Poet, and some of his observations and imaginative works about different people on the news and in the media were dark and funny as hell.  He was considered an outlaw comic, and even had his entire set censored out of Letterman’s Late Night show.  It had been approved and pre-approved before, but Letterman didn’t know if  his audience could take what Bill was saying.  He was saying things that people weren’t ready to hear, and he offended tons of people, but he did it in such a way that he became the voice of reason in an increasingly insane world.  He reminds me a lot of myself, but I’m nowhere near as angry or bitter, but I have some of the same thoughts he does about the government and entertainment media.  People say he died way too young, but I think he got his message out in time.

If you don’t know who this man is, I would suggest looking him up on Youtube.  I don’t want to embed any videos on here because I want to keep- my website simple.  He had such a great bit about negative drug stories in the news.  He may have been a bit scathing at times, but he had to be.  To steal a quote from the movie Se7en, “When you have something important to tell someone, you can’t just tap them on the shoulder anymore.  You have to smash their face in with a sledgehammer, and then you’ll see you have their full attention.”  I think that’s why Bill was so offensive, because if he didn’t talk in that way, he wouldn’t be able to get the ideas he was trying to spread into people’s thick skulls.  I love the joke he does in the above link, “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively.  There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves…here’s Tom with the weather.”  It’s not just a joke, but it opens your mind to a different experience of looking at the world.

Also in that clip, thankfully, there is his most life-affirming piece of material called, “It’s just a ride.”  Wonderful, enlightening piece of material that totally blows your mind.  That is what all these enlightened teachers have been trying to teach, that life is a dream, or a ride, or something similar, and that to take it seriously, or as if it were real is only going to lead to suffering.  The choice between fear and love.  This guy got it, and he was also funny about it, which sure helps convey the message better.  He made you laugh, and he made you think, and ponder.  One audience member once yelled out, “I don’t go to comedy clubs to think.”  Bill responded by saying, “Where do you go to think?  I’ll meet you there.”  He reminds me a lot of George Carlin, although I feel like Bill went further.  Bill wasn’t afraid to bomb, he wasn’t afraid to express his unpopular opinions.  The guy was Relentless, which coincidentally enough, was the title of one of his DVDs.

The sad part was, however, that he never gained a mainstream audience in America, because he was not allowed to express his ideas on television the way he wanted to and, frankly, most people were not ready to hear what he had to say.  So he went to the UK to perform and his comedy was uncensored on Channel 4, and the people there loved him.  He was allowed to be himself, not some censored, edited version of himself.  He gained a huge following there, and he now has a sizable following in America, but not nearly as big as the Carlin fans or the other really popular comedians.  His ideas were radical and controversial, and they made sense.  He was no sellout, and would call out those who were.  He was one of a kind, and had integrity and was honest.  He told people how he saw the world and he was dead on.  But like all the other people who say, “We should all just get along, stop fighting, become one with the world,” he died young, but not too young, because he at least got his messages out.

He would mock religion, mock these popular, mediocre pop artists, like the New Kids On the Block and Rick Astley.  This was in the late 80s and early 90s, as Bill; tragically died in 1994.  It’s amazing how many people have never heard of him.  I hadn’t heard of him until late 2005.  And it took me awhile to really warm up to him, just like it did with Carlin.  But he has been a part of my life ever since, because listening to him is like getting an upgrade in integrity and consciousness.  He sure had a lot to say.  He used to joke that he was “Noam Chomsky with dick jokes.”  He used to say something like, “I know what you guys are waiting for, and don’t worry, dick jokes are coming.  I editorialize for about one hour, then we go down dick joke highway, because I know that’s why y’all are here.  Don’t worry, they’re coming.”  I’m sure he rubbed a lot of audience members the wrong way and some people probably think he is an asshole, but he was just trying to wake people up.  That’s all.  He truly wanted humanity to evolve to a higher state of consciousness, and isn’t that what we all want?  I’d say so.

In closing, this guy is one of my heroes.  He had morals, he had rebellion, he had such conviction in what he was saying that it just made him either more or less likable, depending on how much you agreed with him.  I have more respect for him than any other comedian, because he was real, he was uncensored, and he would take risks that other comedians wouldn’t even dream of.  I’m pretty sure he was a reclusive type of person, somebody who didn’t quite fit in, but he sure used that to his advantage to call out those who were completely full of shit.  I just wish his work hadn’t fallen on mostly deaf ears during his lifetime.  But today, I think the word is getting out more, and although not as sizable as others, his comedy can still entertain and enlighten us for decades more.  Bill, you are a fucking hero and I hope more people get the word out about you like I’m doing right now.

Here’s some links that may be offensive, but I’m going to add them anyway:

This is by no means an exhaustive list.  There are so many more clips on Youtube of this man and his thoughts, so feel free to browse because I have a feeling you might learn something.  The Rush Limbaugh one is a bit offensive, just to warn you.