Archive for the ‘Joke Writing’ Category

How I Chose My Purpose

Thursday, August 31st, 2006

Flashback to high school.  2004.  Not that far of a flashback, but I have a feeling it will at least need a minor one.  I just graduated high school in Woonsocket, RI. I’m moving to Myrtle Beach, SC in five days.  I’ve been accepted at Winthrop Unviersity, as a Mathematics Major and a Secondary Education Minor.  So we go down to this college and I stay there for awhile, but I finally decided that I didn’t want to do this. I guess what I was looking for was an audience, as a teacher. One that would always be there, at the school, but didn’t really want to be there. Sure they wouldn’t always listen, but they’d always hear.  I’m sure I would have screwed around in the classroom more than I taught.  It’s more motivating to create things than to teach things that have already been created.  I guess it’s just the fact that I knew I wanted to do something in the creative/comedy field, so this is one paradigm I looked at and still are lookin at.

For example, I often met these colorful characters in my life.  I would often imitate them, doing my best to match their voice, doing different things in life.  For example, I would put this one guy, Ben Higgins, who had this very verbose voice, kind of a cross between Forrest Gump and Kermit the Frog, into situations where he might get aggetated.  LIke I did a verbal act-out of him in a restaruant where he ordered the Beef Strogonoff in a white wine sauce with a side of Eggs Benedict, but the Strogonoff was medium-rare and he wanted it medium-rare-medium.

And then there was a character only known as Doug.  He is a real person, with a very, very soft-spoken voice.  I used to work with him at a supermarket and he was a cashier.  I was a bagger at the time.  His voice was so fucking soft it was off the wall.  He was actually denied a customer service job because he didn’t talk loud enough.  So I did this character a lot, just in regular ranting, but eventually, I did a little act out of him talking to an elderly man who has trouble hearing.  Let’s just say it ended with, “Hey, man, will you speak the fuck up?  This old man can’t hear very well.”  And he responded by saying, “I can’t! My voice isn’t loud enough.”  And the old man says, “What?”  It was pretty decent.  I want to animate them, but I have to find some people who are good at things like that.

On the horizon for me is I want to develop these two characters who work in conjunction with one another.  One of them is a real nice guy who can’t seem to keep a job and the other is someone who really doesn’t care, is a really bad worker, but never seems to lose his job.  The guy who always loses his job is pissed off that he can never make ends meet and the other guy really doesn’t care about making ends meet, but always does anyway.  Maybe they could be brothers.  Who knows?

Some of this may go into my stand-up act because I feel sometimes a little structure is needed.  I like to sometimes just take the identity of a character I created and put him/her in situation where comedy is second nature.  It’s very hard to come up with unique, individual funny characters, but most of them are loosely based off people I’ve come into contact with.  Most animated shows or sitcoms base many of their characters off people they’ve actually met.  The Simpsons’ creator based Homer off his real dad, loosely I’m sure.  Although I know many comedy show’s pretty much just churn out new shows, but I think the original creation of the shows, where they come up with all the characters and what they act like, that must have been the most amazing time to work on a show like that.  Sure, when the characters are already established, it’s good to put them in situations, but creating the characters is the most enjoyable for me, at least.

In my stand-up act, I’ve given voices to objects, like my computer. Ironically, I made it sound like Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.  It’s just what came to me in a dream.  If I ever write a book, you can be sure that the characters won’t be two-dimensional, unless I write about the show South Park.  But they’ll have depth to them.  They’ll have philosophies about life, where they’re headed, and you’ll know where they’ve been.  I know books usually focus on scenery and details of the room, but I would rather focus on meaningful character descriptions than describing a meaningless scene, although it will be noticeable if they are inside or outside.

This is what I love to do, so this is what I chose to do with my life.  Some people may like it, some people may not.  But the only person who matters is me when it comes to living my life.  And that’s all that I need to remember.

Sidenote:  I’m learning HTML and XHTML and CSS in spurts now because I feel it is necessary to have a great blog.  I want readers to enjoy it.

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You’re Unique, But So is Everyone Else

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006

I remember watching one of those kids’ shows on PBS when I was about six or seven, playing some stupid song titled, “Everyone is Special.” It went on to decribe the differences between different children and how it all makes them beautiful in their own way. How charming! Honestly, I think most of that is a crock of you know what, but it does have some truth to it. Everyone is different, meaning we all have different experiences that we could make funny.

I’ll give you an example: I am very unique by trade. One of my most unique endeavors was my bout with brain cancer. i had brain cancer for about a year and went through three brain surgeries, radiation, unbearale pain, and slow recovery time. Sure, many people may ask, “What’s funny about that?” Everything! I had a whole routine on the hospital and how you’re just a number in there. You lose your complete identity. It’s not “Hello, Andrew,” but “Hello, patient number 3715674.” And they treat you like you’re a fucking toddler. “Do you want to get up and try and walk today? Huh? Do you? After that, we can do finger painting. Yay!” And the ridiculous hospital clothes. Holly shit. But that’s an experience that makes me unique. Oh, I also lost my hair because of the radiation, and for some reason, only half of i grew back. I guess the rest of it was like, “Forget this cancer kid, we don’t wanna risk falling out again.”

I’m sure all of you have your unique experiences that define who you are. Then theer’s the you in the present. Who are you today? What do you think about? What are you thinking about right now while you’re half-reading this blog? It’s not that I really care, it’s just that who you are now is the most important part. If you used to be a drug user, don’t talk about how you still use drugs. Maybe tell the audience you used to, and how hard it was to get off them. Don’t talk about things that are no longer authentic to you. Here’s a great joke about drugs from comedian Mitch Hedberg. “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”

Everyone is different. Unique. You’re this snowflake that’s dying to share some of your unique experiences with the world. The things that have happened to you don’t have to be funny. That’s where you come in and put a funny spin on it. I’ve heard comedians joke about their suicide attempts. Now, that may not be funny to everyone, but with a certain audience, it resonates. Here’s an example from Paula Poundstone . “I tried using carbon monoxide, but my building has a big underground parking garage so it was taking a really long time. I had to bring along a stack of books and some snacks. People would go by and tap at the window and say, “How’s that suicide coming?” and I’d say, “Pretty good, thank you, I feld drowsy earlier today.” It’s pretty funny to an extent. Here’s one from Patton Oswald, “I would jump off a really big building, but before I did it, I’d fill my pockets with candy and gum, so when I landed people could go, ‘Hey, a Snickers!”
Beaically any life event is funny. Christopher Titus did a whole one-person show about his dysfunctional family. It was entitled “Norman Rockwell is Bleeding.” It had everything from laughter to sadness. Although I do use personal experiences in some of my acts, I think I’m more suited to be talking about obscure topics and how they coexist simultaneously. But that’s just the way I am. I like to talk about things that are pretty funny, like when you think you’re alone in a public bathroom or things I do when I’m alone that no one really knows about. It’s shit that’s funny to me, and to many audience members. I finally realized who I was, and I sure hope you do the same.

On a complete and utter side note, I’ve decided, eventually, to convert this blog onto my up-and-coming website. Once I learn, to a certain degree, HTML, CSS, SEO, blog carnivalling, and other very powerful technical skills, I want to make blogging my career, or at least part of it. Wish me luck, universe. Good day.

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